Summer Junk Food 2020
Summer is here, there's no denying it. But as time progresses, I realize that I can't waste any season while looking forward to the next. We've already talked about the Frost Bite Mountain Dew, so let's look at some of the other options to destroy your health and general wellbeing during the next few months. I can't guarantee that all of these are new, or that they're even summer specific releases. I can only guarantee that I didn't research them enough to know otherwise.
First up is an entry from Chips Ahoy. Now I'm used to Oreos getting 300 new flavours a month, so it was a new turn of events to feature these cookies made out of particle board and sawdust. The addition of Sour Patch kids is seemingly an odd choice. I wasn't quite sure how they would combine them either. It could have been a flavor additive, or simply chunks of the gummies. In the end, they did both. Upon opening the package, I was greeted to a strong citrus/lemon scent, and biting into one didn't do much to change that.
After chewing them a bit, that lemon flavor subsided and I was able to taste a bit more. There are also some non-chocolate chips throw into the mix. I don't know if they add to it, or if they're colored placebos, but all I know is that the gummy portions stick between your teeth like glue.
Overall: Worth buying once, and trudging through the package. I ended up finishing them all, so that tells me something. I don't anticipate doing so again.
Next, Coca-cola Tic Tacs. The Coke marketing imagery has a psychological hold on everyone, and you have no choice but to pick up anything and everything with that fancy red label. These are no exception. I don't recall having bought tic tacs since I was a child. I guess they work as a breath mint, but I felt Certs did a better job. I also never got that whole half-a-calorie thing, like at that level people would be counting them.
In any case, these aren't minty at all. They do have a very distinct Cola flavor, but more on the flat side, as if a glass had been sitting out for hours. Certainly not bad, but I don't see the purpose.
Overall: Again, worth picking up once, mainly for home decor. I'd probably buy a few and then stash them away until Christmas. They would be better suited for a party; you could nestle them next to some hors d'oeuvres and appear much fancier than you really are.
I've largely given up energy drinks, but when I saw a Birthday Cake flavoured edition, I knew I had to at least try it. My expectations were met with the first sip. They certainly nailed the Birthday Cake flavor (whatever that truly is), but the downside is that they also nailed that flavor. Sickly sweet is one way to describe it. I'm not sure why I finished it.
Overall: Not worth buying. The taste is hard to muscle through, but on the upside, it is a zero-calorie drink. So you won't gain weight unless the artificial sweeteners grow a tumor inside you.
Okay, I'm cheating here as these aren't junk food. They're not even edible, however they are scented after something edible, and I needed one more thing to talk about.
With the hand sanitizer craze going on at the moment, there's no reason to turn down any options. I'm surprised that I even found these, since everything has been absent from shelves for quite some time. Perhaps they were just weird enough to evade the grubby unwashed hands of the masses.
I have to say, they did a great job replicating the scents, but I imagine the original candy was all artificially created anyhow. The airheads are probably the standout, and the various lemon ones could be normal citrus Purell for all I know.
Overall: They go the job and don't smell too bad. Somehow the inedible entry won this round of junk food, so that doesn't fair well for the rest of the summer. Hopefully something else comes along. If all else fails, we start on Halloween a month earlier.