Halloween Treats 2023

Halloween is on Tuesday, and upon looking at my schedule, I realistically only have today to get things finished. The weekend will be for traveling, and Monday will be needed to finish the countdown. The haunt reviews will just have to sort of wait, and I’ll finish them up later, then pretend that they were done all along. No one will know in years to come.

Ghost Pepper Burger King

I was waiting to see if Burger King would pull off another Whopper this year, but after the dismal Spiderverse edition, I wasn’t hoping for much. That one was stale and dry and probably well past its expiration date. Instead, we got an old faithful: the Ghost Pepper Whopper from last year. I snuck a picture of them making it, which shows the array of freshly unpacked buns. I probably didn’t need to be sneaky about it, since the staff was apathetic to the point where I likely could have walked behind the counter and helped make it, and there wouldn’t have been much of an objection.

Of course, I would have liked to have gotten something new, but a rehash that’s good works better than a debut that’s terrible. Good is better than terrible…you can tell I’m trying to bang this out on a Friday evening.

Also in the tradition of Ghost Pepper Whoppers, I went back a second time. Did I need the fast food calories? Certainly not, but Round 1 dropped the ball on the packaging. First they rung up the meal and started giving me useless things like soft drink cups and fries. Then they fixed it and got me the chicken fries (more on that in a sec), but only the small one. In the end, I didn’t receive any of the promotional wrappers or boxed, and petty ol’ me felt like I got swindled. There didn’t seem like much point trying to bug them a second time, so I left it as-is.

A few days later after my stomache forgave me, I hit up another location and ordered the works again. It was a little better and I got the proper Whopper wrapper, but they still gave me the small chicken fries. This, however, worked out in my favor since upon calling it to their attention and having the demeaning ‘mistake bell’ rung (I’m not kidding), they gave me another small. I threw all dignity aside and then asked if I could get the box they were supposed to come in. The glazed over look I got in return seemed to barely comprehend my motives, but I got a grease-free and unperforated Chicken Fry box to clutter up my home for the next three generations. Success!

McDonalds Buckets

Not to be outdone, McDonalds brought back the buckets. I was somewhat amazed with the fanfare around them, since we’ve gotten re-releases somewhat regularly, and the distant memories of the ones 30 years ago aren’t all that foreign anymore. Perhaps it was because they remained somewhat faithful to the originals, and not Spooky Angry Bird editions or something.

My main gripe with the past few releases lay with that weird handle design. It’s almost like they specifically prevent them from stacking or being held in any ergonomical way. They also lack lids, instead opting for a paper cap with stickers, so you can further decorate it a way that could never be considered aesthetically pleasing. Ah well, they’re still a step in the right direction.

Dunkin Spider Donuts

Spider Donuts are back. There’s little more to say. The other usual suspects are there as well, and nothing feels like it went the extra mile. We didn’t even get the orange frosted crème filled pumpkins. Sad state of affairs.

But there is a glimmer of hope. The spider donut got its own plush key chain. A chain that was made of the cheapest metal known to man, and will break if you do something crazy like ‘use’ it, but it sort of works out for the better, since you wouldn’t be likely to use it in any proper function anyway. Just treat it like a plush and let it decorate a table or something.

Paqui One-Chip

There’s times to be sensitive and factor in proper social cues in order to assess a situation. Then there’s times to have no good sense and blow past the barriers of good taste. You see, every year Paqui revamps their One-Chip Challenge with new artwork and a new gimmick for the chip. Then we run out and buy a bunch before they end up on eBay for $20, before possibly eating one and recording it for internet clout.

I jumped on the bandwagon early for this reason, but the timing worked in my favor for an unexpected reason. As the story would tell it, a teen supposedly died after doing the challenge. Now, I’m not saying it isn’t hot, but there is no chance that this chip could come close to having a body count. I’m sure something else was at play, and they’re going to play the ‘blame the last thing they ate’ game, just as Panera Bread is dealing with over some sour lemonade recently.

They caved and took the chip off the market, and the future is uncertain. I’m not sure if I will end up doing the challenge this year since it has increased in scarcity, but I’ll post a video if I do.

Alani Witch's Brew

I bought one of these last year in anticipation of using it in my countdown. This meant that I couldn’t actually sample it, so it remained in a box, unseen and unloved. Then a few weeks ago, I saw a new can by Alani and instantly grabbed it. Then it fell out of my car and rolled away. Later, I got yet another so here they are.

Apparently, they are the same edit, just with updated graphics, which is fine. This allowed me to finally taste it, and the caramel apple flavor isn’t bad. If I weren’t limited energy drinks, I’d probably have gone back for more, but I’ll leave it as-is for now.

What the Fanta?

Much in the way McDonalds battled Burger King, Coca-cola had to throw their spooky hat into the ring. They did give us the Y3000 Coke, but that was only scary in a dishwashing detergent flavor sort of way. As per tradition, it has a mystery flavor that you need to guess. And also per tradition, it ends up being an artificial candy of some unknown and lab-created fruit. My guess was grape bottlecaps or the Spree candies. I don’t think there’s much difference in the end.

But with every treat, there is a trick. And the trick follows in the footsteps of giants. Giant Spooky Whopper footsteps. Footsteps that need to avoid the neon green droppings in the forest if you get my drift.

You poop green…

VooDew 5

And then we end with a familiar sight. Round 5 comes as us with another mystery flavor, which again is a generic sweet candy. They claim it is Cherry Airheads, marking the first time a named brand was used, but you’d be hard pressed to distinguish it from any other fruity sweet. At least they didn’t claim it to be candy corn again, after what was very obviously PEZ flavor.

I have all five, yet I don’t have all five in the same place, so no lineup picture this year. I also really didn’t end up liking the flavor. I still have two half-finished bottles in my fridge, which I will never drink any more of but feel bad throwing out the cool bottle. It’s not like I don’t already have one in the permanent collection, but you can’t get these back after the season finished. I sort of see why hoarders do the things they do. The regular was better than the Zero, but the latter was pretty rotten. Sort of a miss this round, but there will always be more.

Unless some teen decides to go and die after drinking one, of course.