Fireworks 2025

Well, I've already failed at updating weekly, but given my track record, that wasn't unexpected. In my defense, I was out of town, and despite bringing my laptop, I never found the time to do much more than transfer some pictures from my phone to OneDrive and then from the cloud to my USB stick. I suppose that's something. I could have used a cable, but somehow a wired connection is slower.

It's also ill-timed since the 4th has long gone, and summer's sticky embrace is wearing thin. But like I said before, that banner need not be created for a one-off. What better way to utilize it than to talk about fireworks?

And much like many of these list articles, I feel the need to preload a lot of the writing in the first few paragraphs, only to feel strapped for words once I get to the entries in question. Not a whole lot I can do about that. So, let's go.

Now, I live in a state where the fun police are out in full force. The same person was the attorney general for years before then becoming the governor, so even if history didn't dictate the future, we're set for a quasi-permanent PMS governing our lives. But spending INDEPENDENCE DAY following rules didn't seem very patriotic, so I drove across state lines (a mile down the road) and picked up an array of things that will likely be banned there too in due time since all of the states in these parts are party poopers.

Pure Fantasy

by Brothers Fireworks

Up first is Pure Fantasy. Conflicting thoughts fill your mind at first glance, half expecting some lurid visuals to come out of the sparklers despite having no solid idea what that would even entail. Then on the wrapper, we have a variety of random no-name characters save for but one—baby Mario. I assume it's a Mario clone based on the hat, but those chipmunk teeth throw me off.

The rest are bears, snowmen, and clowns for some reason, but I just now noticed that Yoshi is in the background. A bootlegged one for sure, but aside from the ginormous nostrils, I'm calling it canon.

I also just realized that I numbered the pictures days in advance of lighting everything off, so you'll have to witness the carcasses of the other fireworks in completely the wrong order. Aside from that, there was a decent showing with flares and crackles pouring out of 6 tubes—3 large, 3 small.

Temple of Fire

by Sky Bacon

I completely went about it the wrong way when ordering these. I could renumber the files, but in all honesty, that's not going to happen. So Temple of Fire is the big one. One thing I like about the store down the street is the prices. Usually something like this would be in the neighborhood of $40-50 and wouldn't last more than a few seconds. I got it as the big-ticket item at $20, which is also proudly boasted on the front of the packaging. The main draw is that none of the offerings are from TNT Fireworks, who usually have the stranglehold over what's allowed to be sold in the non-free states.

Here, we have Sky Bacon fireworks, which earns 90% of its points from the name alone. The other 10% is the image of the smug pig on the reverse. He just knows that you're in for a good time at a decent price. Either that or he's going to turn you in to the authorities for exercising your constitutional rights to blow things up. What a swine.

Unlike the first one, there are only five tubes, but it did last a fair amount of time, so I don't regret saving it for last. I only regret not thinking of taking the photos in that order.

Dancing with Ghost

by Winda Fireworks

Dancing with Ghosts is one I got for free by spending over a certain amount. I'm not one to turn down freebies, so I gladly added $7 to my basket in order to have that thrown in. Another A+ for packaging design (even though I haven't been grading so far), with sassy ghosts swirling around the label. They know you're going to have a good time, either from the fireworks or the 1991 Demoscene background. Honestly, I'm fine with either.

I wish I got the effect on my camera, but I was alternating between videos, GIFs, and photos, which effectively ensured that I didn't get a moment to enjoy anything in the moment. Chalk another life travesty up to blog articles and the culture they create. There were a fair amount of sparks and popping explosions to justify the experience, but it was the first wave that took the cake. It lived up to its name by sending out floating fluff balls of color that, no word of a lie, looked very much like flaoting ghosts. Very impressive. The other five tubes were standard fair, but that's nothing to complain about either.

Made in the USA / Alien

by World Class Fireworks

These were small, so they don't get their own entries. I knew I would be scraping for things to say about the lot, so forgive me for taking a shortcut when I saw an opportunity. Made in USA is the name of the firework, and I do believe it lives up to its namesake. It would seem obvious, but look at the country of origin the next time you pick up an American flag. You might be surprised.

The screaming eagle atop a super serious skull evokes some very meaningful imagery. Then we pair it with an alien, which in hindsight feels in poor taste. Not enough to split the image or do anything about it, but take note that I paused for half a second. I'm just doing my part.

Made in USA had five tubes of ear-shattering crack-bangs, living up to its reputation. The alien had about three, but with the benefit of being translucent, its head glowing from within throughout the duration. I give that a passing score (yes, we're still tallying).

Robot Force

by Winda Fireworks

This next one had me conflicted. You see, that robot design is beyond fantastic. It combines mid-century tin robot design, mid-80s logo aesthetics, and an early 90s Windows color scheme—assuming the hotdog stand theme was chosen. You know it was at least once.

My inner turmoil came from the thought that I wouldn't be able to keep the robot after lighting it on fire. Save one shelf for future generations, or blow its head off for a momentary dopamine rush. That scenario isn't all that uncommon, but it's more pressing with something so special.

The good news is that it only had two tubes, and the burning was minimal. I could have saved it, but I, of course, forgot to take it out, and the others sent scalding sulfur raining down from above, rendering it beyond salvation.

Weeeeeeeee!

Silent Knight

by Sky Bacon

We have a new manager at work who started just a few days before the 4th. He warned us against shooting off fireworks since some dogs may take offense. But just like I'm not in the mood to honor the wishes of governmental authority, I wasn't about to extend the same consideration off-hours.

But then I found the Silent Knight, which was designed for neighborhood pets and those who may decide to snitch on you for having a little fun. It did make somewhat less sense as I had plenty of noisy options, but much like drinking a diet Coke with a cheeseburger, sometimes the virtue signaling is its own reward.

Lacking the crackling elements, it simply sends a stream of silent fire into the air. The packaging also cements the idea by combining a dog and a knight, hence the clever title. It also claims a date well into next year, so while I figured I had been buying closeout deals on old stock, I apparently bought hot goods stolen from the future!

Dollar Items

by Various

Oh, hey. I'm at the end. I didn't think it would go this quickly. Up last are the things I got for a dollar or two. The Snap Bangers and tank were a dollar; the spark launcher things were two.

There isn't much to say about the latter, other than they certainly are worth their value. Buying ten of them would end up being about 60% more explodey-fire despite costing the same as the big ones. I'm sort of wondering why I didn't do that, but there's always next year, unless the politicians get their way.

The Snap Bangs, on the other hand, are wild. Billed as an adult version of those snap-pop things you throw on the ground, these appear to have the same concussive force as a .22 bullet—and are just as loud. I've tried to keep my shenanigans tied to the 4th, but when I had some left over afterwards, I indulged in a little fun out back. No word of a lie, the police were cruising around after looking for gunfire.

Okay, that wraps up another excuse for an article. Stay tuned for detailed pictures of a Shareware games magazine. That's sure to be thrilling.

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