Barnstable Fair

I’d probably have to check the dates, but I feel like the fairs this year are way earlier than usual. I recall most being a precursor to fall; however, I also start to get into the Halloween vibe by late July, so perhaps we’re on schedule. Or perhaps, I just stall and never get anything written until the final days of summer.

But not today. I couldn’t find any Halloween candy beyond the basics, so that wouldn’t make a very engaging article. The series was growing stale anyhow. So, let’s dive in and see what this particular fair had to offer. I have a few more up my sleeve, giving me some wiggle room in years to come.

Nestled in the middle of Cape Cod, in what usually is one of the less touristy spots, Barnstable brings in the population of the tri-state area for a few days, necessitating an extra hour of bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way in. Once you get past one of the two bridges in, you’re usually good to go, but the process of getting that far is taxing.

Fortunately, once you get there, parking is free, although the price of entry is a hefty $20, which is among the highest around. I almost wrote this one off this year, but I was hoping to see if someone brought an Ayam Cemani chicken. With years of uncertain avian flu outbreaks, this was one of the few that seemed to still have a poultry section on a consistent basis. Let’s see if I get disappointed.

Naturally, I was. Sebright chickens are rather nice to look at and are usually a staple at most fairs. But I’ve seen quite enough by now, and I have one of my own from the esteemed pedigree of the prestigious Tractor Supply Company. Had it not been for the Buff example, which is melanin-deficient coloration, I would have skimmed on by. Aside from some guinea hens and sultans, there wasn’t much else. I suppose I’ll have to try again next year and hope for the best.

It wasn’t all a loss, though. There were newly hatched chicks, both in a pen to be held and in an incubator, where they would occasionally hatch for the lucky few who happened to wander by at the exact moment.

There were other animals in any case. Most fairs will have the usual goats, sheep, cows, and rabbits, all flinging their waste at you from every conceivable angle and making you second-guess where you might step next. The near-constant bleating is rather humorous, though, so that’s worth the price of admission. Well, maybe not the whole $10, but six and change of it at least.

But unlike most others, there’s not just the farm entries for the shows—there was a display from Pine Meadows of some domestic and exotic animals. There were still plenty of goats, but you were able to feed them for twenty-five cents a handful and get their saliva all over your fingers. The real treat was the miniature zebu, which is basically a cow, but it stays small forever. Not small enough to carry, though, so there's no sense in trying to carry it out to the car and pulling a fast one.

The final barn had the horses. Several were out galloping in the field for ribbons and such, but many were still in their stalls. Being heavily involved with 4-H, each was guarded by an eight-year-old with a heavy Boston accent who gave us a rundown of the horses stats. Age, weight, and whether or not it was going to bite us, given the chance.

Now no fair is complete without user submissions, whether they be animal, plant, or mineral. We have the animals covered already, so now it’s time to look at vegetables and crafts. They’re divided between adult and youth, so in the latter you can forgive some of the entries since many are from the same eight-year-olds giving you the stern warning against horse bites.

Crafts range from photography to playdough to "collections.” Collections can be almost anything, be they Pokemon cards or a loose assemblage of action figures. The array of faces was most disconcerting, especially since the whole team seemed to collectivize and make one each. The fact that they all have the same uncanny gaze is the real kicker.

As for vegetables and plants, I’m never quite sure how the ratings are judged. Part of the confusion stems from the fact that they’ve been sitting in the heat for nearly a week, and the flies are getting more enjoyment out of them than I, but I remain perplexed nonetheless.

And so concludes the agricultural portion of the proceedings. Most have a mix of that as well as the more carnivalesque leanings. Depending on the locale, there’s a bit more of one versus the other, which is usually reflected in the name: either agriculture fair or county fair. In our case, it’s somewhat difficult to determine which won out, so I’ll officially call it a tie.

I do like the animals a bit more, but there’s still another half to explore. After a ridiculously overpriced $8 slice of pizza and a more moderate $3 can of seltzer (plus tax), we found our way to the vendor booth and food trucks. Neither interests me as much, but they’re worth a browse just for the sake of it. Without fail, there’s always the tent selling Mario and Pokemon bucket hats like it’s 1999, and in one of the permanent buildings there are some more traditional vendors. One of which, Leaf Filter, has become a recent nemesis of mine.

Last year, they weaseled my phone number out of me, and for some reason I was caught off guard and didn’t provide a fake one. I made a valiant attempt to try and stall, but he wasn’t having any of it. This led to an endless series of calls from an ever-changing array of phone numbers, sometimes deep into the night. Upon seeing them again, I chose to call them out and start a beef with them. Then they flipped the script and called me out for not answering the call at least once. I suppose they have a point, but I didn’t think it was on me to have to put in the legwork to avoid near-constant harassment. After the fiftieth time, you’d think they’d get the hint.

So aside from that, there were plenty of rides and games designed to scam you out of money, but the pizza took the last of my funds. Prior to that, I had been coerced into buying a 3D-printed Goomba. This was a day before my very own printer arrived, thus making it a rather frivolous purchase.

But all said and done, it was a nice afternoon. You just need to arrive without much money so you don’t get fleeced, but the admission tends to get you most of the way there anyway.