Slice Returns

Soda is something I’ve been trying to avoid lately. Well… traditional soda. The kind with 200+ calories of corn syrup, which is no good for anyone. For a while now, I’ve been sticking with flavoured seltzer just to prevent the needless ingredients and the headaches that come with them.

However (more) recently, I’ve taken a liking to another type of soda that had been gaining some traction despite the hefty price associated. I’ll get into that in a second.

But first: SLICE IS BACK!

Don’t you remember Slice? I sort of do, but since it didn’t have the same social mystique as Crystal Pepsi, Ectocooler, and OK Soda, it often felt at times like it was some sort of Mandingo effect. Crush was still around, so a nagging and unsure portion of your brain knew the name, Slice, but couldn’t quite separate it from the fruity offering that persisted.

Now, it’s very unlike me, but I did a few seconds of Wikipedia research just now. I know that’s not ideal, but I didn’t use ChatGPT, so the bar for adequacy has never been so easy to clear. Crush is apparently a Dr Pepper brand, and Slice was a Pepsi product.

Neither of those facts is important, since the Slice namesake was sold off long ago and picked up by another company called Suja Juice. The plot twist is that Coca-Cola has a stake in the company, so they played the long game on getting that sweet, coveted Slice IP.

Getting back to the first section, I’ve found a new soda love, and Slice fits that bill… sort of. There’s a new line where the heavy hitters are Poppi, Culture-Pop, and Olipop. These are billed as ‘healthy sodas’ and contain prebiotics and sugar alternatives that cap them between 10 and 40 calories. Needless to say, it’s far preferable to the HFCS stuff that is rather terrible, but there is a cost—mainly in the neighborhood of $2-3 per can. It’s on par with picking up an energy drink and pushes them into the territory of grabbing one while you’re out rather than picking up a case and having them in a more casual manner.

Then there’s the taste. At this point, I do enjoy it, but it’s something to get used to. Think something along the lines of a very tart tea, and then subtract the usual sweetness you’d normally find in soda. In my travels, I’ve found that Culture-Pop is the least palatable, and Olipop is the best (Cherry Vanilla being the one to avoid). Poppi is hit or miss, but they also are backed by Pepsi, so they can get some fun promotional tie-ins—Minecraft and SpongeBob being the current standouts.

So where does Slice fit in? I worried that as these types of drinks become more mainstream, the bigger companies will find ways to cheap out and fill them with garbage, thus negating any benefits. As much as a healthy soda feels contradictory, they do appear to be decent at face value. For how long? It’s hard to say.

Strawberry

May as well give these a taste test. Pushing $8 after tax for the three, I wasn’t in a hurry to open them all for a quick sip. Since I felt less guilt about finishing them, I opted to try one a day. I know that retro-nostalgia is all the rage and certainly would play a part in any re-release, but man, did they nail that 1980s artificial strawberry flavour. Think Hubba Bubba gum-type deal. Whereas most prebiotic strawberry flavours would end up taking more of a cue from the taste near the stem, this one is exactly how you remember things used to be. Unless you’re not old enough, in which case you can relive a rather faithful representation of what we were told were fruit flavors, assuming you never came in contact with the real thing.

Orange

I’m sensing a theme. The orange is very much akin to Tang or the most stereotypical store-brand orange soda. The color’s on point, and it tastes nothing like the fruit. This is a good thing in this one case since it goes back to some childhood trauma. Once, I tried to combine actual orange juice and tonic water to make my own soda, and that was so disgusting, I questioned how things were ever actually made.

Grapefruit Spritz

This was pretty much as expected. I think Fresca is still around, but it's a lot like that. Truer to the taste of a real Grapefruit than the other, more artificial flavours.

Uh oh! Someone snuck in to steal a little of the retro glamour. I mentioned Crush earlier, and it’s not only still around, but they’re bent on proving that they’ve BEEN around for some time. Rather than using the old-school, original logos like Throwback Mountain Dew, they’ve gone the “inspired” route and conjoured up a vaporwave sort of deal that would be at home on VH-1. Not sure if Electric Blue Razz is a flavor used once, but they’ve certainly embraced the unhealthy option. 280 calories… ouch. I will not be opening this, unless I happen to pick up a second. Even then, it will just be a taste, since I’m old and I know better these days.