Festival Farm

It’s Fall, and Fall dictates Fall things, even if they can be summer things too. I have a few precious weeks before I need to do Christmassy things, so let’s dive into all the stuff that can double during the Halloween season, minus the spooky.

Festival Farm is one of those places I’ve frequented for a few years now. My earliest pictures show everyone wandering around with masks on while outdoors, so that fairly well pinpoints it to 2020. That sort of makes sense, as we had a lot of time on our hands and endless opportunities to find new places to visit.

There’s certainly no shortage of farms peppered around the neighbouring states, but I like the ones that are a bit low-key and don’t charge $20 a head just to get in and pat a goat on the head. When I can find one that allows you to just drop by and only spend money when you want to feed the animals or buy something, that’s a plus.

So, going back to that low-key vibe, Farmer Jay, the owner, retired years ago and wanted an olde fashion farm experience. Nothing huge, just a few types of animals that didn’t include chickens, a small shop, and some ambience. I’m trying to pinpoint what era it’s aiming for, but I feel like anything from 1850 to 1950 is a fair estimate. Perhaps it’s a dead ringer for 1950 movies about the 1850s. That wouldn’t be a bad bet.

The music that greets you comes from an antique music box and sets the stage for what almost feels like a carnival, but without anything that ruins it by actually being a carnival. The layout is mainly split into the shopfront and the animal pens. There are some gardens, but you can only get a tour of those during the autumnal months when the hayride is in effect.

The shop is cute and offers mostly non-perishable items like hot sauce, preserves, and some small crafts. There’s an attempt at the penny-candy concept but it has morphed out of necessity into dollar candy. (Well, $1.07 candy. Thank you, state tax.)

Local sodas share the cooler with local duck eggs. They’re a little more expensive, but a single one ends up frying up almost as much as three chicken eggs from the store, so it’s not a bad deal. Then, depending on the season, the pumpkins and gourds come out just beyond the doors. It’s all too easy to grab the cool-looking ones, but therein lies the trouble. They all look cool. And for the pumpkins that don’t quite make the cut? Well, we’ll get to their fate soon enough.

And soon enough is right now! Much like the animal shelters, if the pumpkins don’t find their forever home, it’s out to the back for a last-ditch effort at being useful. In past years, this was sort of a free-for-all. You’d buy the pumpkin, which was already sitting and rotting in the back, and treat it like the printer in Office Space. But apparently some people couldn’t figure out how to use a bat properly, and it was bouncing back into their head. Blood was spilt those days.

Now it’s supervised but still has some amusement factor left. The pumpkins also bring with them yellow jackets, necessitating some apple cider jars to catch them. I got in trouble for freeing them from one such container, but I guess yet more troublemakers are allergic, so I’m unable to save our stingy friend from their fate.

No farm is complete without some animals, and luckily there are many to be petted and fed. Food is $1 a cup, and you used to get an ice cream cone to serve it in, but they didn’t end up being good for the donkeys. I can’t fault people for making the mistake since the donkey would insistently kick the fence with its hoof and demand a treat, so now there are just plastic cups.

Goats and sheep are the main animals begging for kibble, some more aggressively than others. There is a pecking order, and things can get a bit heated when it comes to who gets first dibs. But some of the smaller ones can fit through the fence and free-roam around in order to even the playing field.

The star of the show, however, is Bootsy, an orange long-haired cat who meanders around and will allow a cuddle session from whomever passes by. It’s hit or miss if it’s around at any given time, but the hay barn is a good place to look. It helps that Bootsy is a spitting image of my old cat, so it’s like stepping back in time in other ways while I’m there.

Now, speaking of stepping back in time, you may be wondering, “Where are the oddities?” Well, fear not, because Little Ellie awaits. Off to the side of the shop, a small enclosure promises a view of a two-headed cow for only $3. Does she exist? There’s only one way to find out…