Halloween 2026 - Day 31

*With their tanks*

*and their bombs*

*and their guns*

*and their guns...*

*Zooooombiiiiiiiiiiiii*

Big Pumpy: That's not a Halloween song, and you know it!

Cael: It's suddenly so moody here.

Cael: Must be that time of the month.

Cael: Alls I remember is eating some chitinous pizza and waking up to this gloom.

Staples: 'Xactly as pla'and.

Bucket: I'll speak from now on. It'll pan out better in the end.

Hathorn: I don't feel so good.

*Morph*

*Boned*

*Meowph*

*Pumph*

Cael: What's going on? I heard some sort of stryfe above me.

Staples: A've cost a sp'll on ye fri'nds.

Cael: What friends? And who's above me?

Staples: Th' 'uns roit abo've ye

Drago: I wish I had any idea what he was saying.

Drago: You piggie hoggy there. I need you to go on a hero's journey—an abridged version, of course.

Hogbug: What say you? Up for an adventure?

Hedgekin: Anything beats hanging around this joint. Let's get a move on.

Hedgekin: Do hero's journeys usually take this long?

Hogbug: They do unless it's in a late phase Marvel movie.

Hedgekin: I think we've found the source of the movies in any case. I see they left the good ones on the chopping block.

Hogbug: Makes sense that they'd offload the riff-raff.

Hogbug: Then again, there's only so many days in the month.

Hedgekin: Tell me about it. The subspecies collection alone would chew up a week.

Hedgekin: Hey! Do you smell what I smell?

Hogbug: A little lamb?

Hedgekin: No, we've hit paydirt. Nothing this primo comes through our mantle.

Hogbug: Sad state of affairs. Also, I've been meaning to ask. Why did we bring the silent crow along?

Hedgekin: You always lose someone on an epic journey, so I figured we'd pad the numbers a bit.

Hedgekin: Allo' fine gentleman. We've traveled long and far to achieve a hero's journey.

Farmtroll: To what ends?

Hedgekin: Some of our crew turned into crochet creatures and there's a great pumpkin casting eerie light all over the place. It's Halloween proper, so we need a resolution before this story drags on too long.

Farmtroll: You will need to consult the great bat in the vintage bucket.

Hedgekin: Drats it. Our journey continues. Will it be a long voyage to find it?

Farmtroll: Not at all.

Farmtroll: He's right here behind me.

Great Bat in the Vintage Bucket: Greetings weary traveler. What be your desire?

Hogbug: I want Crystal Pepsi to return as a Zero option.

Great Bat in the Vintage Bucket: I cannot do that. For a request so great, you must consult the Dark Horse.

Hedgekin: And will that take a long journey to find?

Great Bat in the Vintage Bucket: No, he's right behind me.

Dark Horse: Greetings weary travelers—

Hogbug: This bit is dragging on. We need a resolution to the problems back home.

Dark Horse: The solution is right behind you. Always has been.

Hogbug: What? The crow?

*boof*

CyberRaven: Yes, it is I. Come, we have no time to waste.

Hedgekin: Wouldn't be have wasted less time if we never left?

CyberRaven: I'm afraid not...

Hedgekin: How so?

CyberRaven: Hush, we need to get back.

Hedgekin: Thank you kind stranger. How can we ever repay you?

Farmtroll: Lobby your local elected officials to decriminalize unpasturized milk.

Hedgekin: Consider it done!

*rats*

*Rats*

*RATS*

Staples: D'plan i' woik'in oit—

Bucket: I told you to stop talking until you get back home.

CyberRaven: Huzzah, I have returned to save the day!

Drago: Oh good, another anti-climactic ending. Not that I'm complaining.

CyberRaven: Rats, eh? Mere childs play. We eat them for breakfast.

Staples: Oi? Y' th'nk ya cannae e't 'em ah?

CyberRaven: What?

Cael: Just smile and nod, then do what you need to do.

CyberRaven: Very well. And as much as the space here is limited, I must call in a few favours.

CyberRaven: Say hello to this year's alien birds. A decent assortment, if I do say so.

Don't forget us up here!

Staples: Boids, eh? Y' innit be a ma'ch.

*chew*

*Um, manners. With your beak closed, please*

*caw*

Cael: He just said, with your beak closed. That's gross to witness from this angle.

*Oh the beak is open...*

*...and the rats get mangled*

*Twas a monster mash*

CyberRaven: Shut up over there!

Bucket: Eh, let them wear themselves out. We're playing the long game.

Robot Force: I think not. No one can play the long game like a robot.

Drago: That's right. Robot whatever, do your... whatever you do.

CyberRaven: Generate endless cat pictures!

*computing*

Bucket: What? How is that going to help your cause?

*defactoring Euler's method*

*meow*

*snarf*

*kisses*

*prrt*

*purr*

*pounce*

*stomp*

*cat*

Bucket: Fine, this isn't worth it. Have fun with your endless hairballs.

Staples: W' cannae give 'p coise o' a ki''ey.

Bucket: We're making a new rule. You only communicate through interpretive dance from now on.

Cael: I have to hand it to you. You saved the day without eye lasers this time. That's something.

CyberRaven: Twas nothing. We owe all our thanks to our new robot overlords.

Cael: That's really not what I was going for. Anyway, are we going to get these two back to normal?

CyberRaven: Huh, there was no magic spell to undo this time, so I'm afraid they're locked in for all time.

Hathorn: Wonderful...

Drago: Happy Halloween!

*creak*

Mare: I told you not to just wander through random portals.

Kuse: How else are we going to find Box?

Mare: Who?

Kuse: Our son?

Knacks: It's been fifteen years, and surely he's grown by now. Is it really worth trying to rekindle the parental relationship?

Mare: And how're your relationships going?

Knacks: Ouch...

Pardon me, I think I'm lost.

Kuse: And who might you be?

I have no name yet.
I was suppose to ruin this year's Halloween,
but I believe we're too late.

And by 'we' I mean the unnamed
pumpking spider behind me too.

Kuse: Sorry, but we're just interlopers, so we won't be of much use.

Bummer. Can I join you then,
and be a thorn in your side?

Kuse: As much as that would be thematically appropriate, we have a strict segregation between the holidays.

Isn't that illegal?

Kuse: Probably, but we're doing it anyway.

Fair enough. Well, I got a treat for you before you go.

Kuse: Wow, this it really thoughtful and completely impractical. How am I supposed to fit this through the portal?

Ouch, sorry I offered.

Kuse: Onward people. We've got lost characters to find and maybe and Advent Calendar to open.

Santa: It's been so long, I forget what year I was from.

Mista Snowman: For what it's worth, you've all looked the same to me for ages.

Mista Snowman: Wait, what's that?

Mista Snowman: I DO know where the carrot went...