Yes, yes, the annual Halloween Candy in July is going in the Micros section this year. There just wasn't enough out to justify a full 1000-word article in the main section. Given how we often get most of the seasonal offerings around this time, the outlook doesn't appear good. It's not like I need to eat any of this garbage, but I can only indulge in so many Summerween festivities when Bath & Body Works is my only other option at the moment.

So yeah, there's the usual Hershey's stuff, and the bags have a window shaped like a monster's mouth. Yay.

What horrors have been released upon us? One might assume we're talking about another entry into the MCU, but from what I've heard, the new F4 movie isn't all that bad. It certainly had a low bar to cross, but I'll take what I can get. If nothing more, I'll see it just for the fantastic aesthetics.

That said, what's this about blue milk? Halloween has the Orange Edition, and the Minecraft movie had green, but both were in a more conservative vanilla flavor. Berry milk, on the other hand, is just something I can't get behind. Strawberry is pushing it, and that only has the added nostalgia boost from the pink rabbit's clumpy mix. But at least with that, I could salvage some crunchy bits from the surface, since cold milk isn't the most ideal solution for dissolving mixtures.

Worse… Unlike soda, you can't really pick this up for a collection. I mean, I suppose you could, but that might come back to kill you months down the line.

I guess I'll just be covering every new Dunkin bucket that comes out. We saw a preview of this a few months back, but then the Easter one came out instead. I can't complain since the McDonald's ones haven't been too favorable in recent years, and these at least have lids. And as a bonus, you can buy just the container, which prevents you from actually having to purchase their food. No minor blessing.

I see that it's going for the sandcastle beach vibe, just like the ones you got at the drugstores back in the day (and I suppose now, but I haven't checked). There's a shovel for digging, and the bucket, once inverted, will create a battlement around the top like a proper castle. The lid has gaps in it, perhaps to sift out stray watches and spare change from the sand, unless there's some more obvious use that I'm forgetting.

And on a final note, the donut on the left seems to be wearing a bathing suit. So am I to assume the one on the right is freeballin'? Seems a bit risqué.

As part of a collab with GoesHard.org, my latest guest article just went up. If you're annoyed with AI, chatbots, and the general trend of replacing human output with machine algorithms, then go on and give it a read. Still have some other things in the works, so stay tuned.

Who’d have thought that the next micro article would be about yet another bucket. And (spoiler alert) it won’t be the last. A few days ago, I saw a preview for a Summer and the next Halloween Munchkin pails, but I had no idea a third was en route even sooner.

So we have a traditional Easter pattern on a sky-blue bin. Also on the menu are some Springtime munchkins to go with it, along with a Cotton Candy donut. If you’re thinking, “I bet that’s way too sweet for my aging carcass!” then you would be right. I ordered it just to give it a try, and due to some stroke of luck, they forgot about me and ended up putting two in the bag for my troubles. Did I eat both? YES! Am I going to die? I’m on the clock, so no!

Unlike last time, they were able to sell the bucket without loading it with four bakers dozen’s worth of donut holes, and for that I’m thankful. Helps the wallet and helps append a few extra minutes at the end of my life when I’m likely praying for death anyway.

Buckets seem to be a Halloween thing. Not a new thing, since I recall having them in the early 90s (and there will be photographic proof later!). I always called them the McBoo, but aside from the Ghost, there was a Witch and a Pumpkin, the latter of which appears to have been called the McGoblin for unknown reasons. Likely just to give me a Mandela effect to ponder in my twilight years.

The buckets have returned in certain fashions over the years. Sometimes they mimic the originals; other times they just go with some generic art that could be used any time of year. The worst offender was the Angry Birds editions. I have no issue with a crossover at some point, but not during Halloween. The spirits don’t crawl back from the afterlife once a year to smash into green pigs. That’s disrespectful.

My main point of contention is the lack of a lid, and worse, the crossbeam that prevents them from being stacked. When something is in storage for 11/12th of the year, I need to maximize my space efficiency. Those throw a monkey wrench in the works.

Other fast food places have attempted to repeat the bucket success, but this year there is a clear winner: Dunkin Donuts. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that if your coffee is made by someone with a facial tattoo, it’s going to be the best one you’ve had in your life. I’m sure I’ve learnt other things, but that’s the only one that comes to mind.

But yes, buckets. Buckets with LIDS. Buckets with dressed-up trick-or-treater munchkins. Buckets with moon and bat cutouts for no reason at all. Is there a downside? Well, you can’t buy just the bucket. Online sources say you can, but theory seldom meets practice. So after plunking down $13 of money I don’t have, which will play into the usurious hands of unnamable groups, I now have one… and 50 doughnut holes.

I left them in the break room at work so I wouldn’t be tempted to eat all 50 and then die. With any luck, they will all go, but I swear if someone takes the bucket too, you will see me on the news. Oh, and here’s that photo proof on ye olde 35mm film. I know they’re not properly scanned, but I have about one million to get through, so a cell phone snapshot is all we get at the moment.

Oh yeah, I also got the Potion Macchiato. It took two tries, and at over five bucks a pop, that was mildly annoying. I swear, I'm the first person to even buy any given special edition, and the workers have to button-mash the register in order to figure out how to add it. This time, they must have given up to save face, but in the process, they just gave me a normal one. I sort of predicted that would be the outcome but had to wait until it was done, which at that point I wasn't going to make them do it right. This morning, I went to my normal place, and they made it correctly. It's purple at least. The Spider donut is too.