A DCJ & Pat the Vampire Production
-Pat the Vampire is lost and must be rescue by our Zany Cast of Soldier Chris
(Chris), Duct Dann (Dann), Simon (John), and Neddy Walker (Jon).
-Really slow racing, with the chair
-It puts the lotion on its fur
-1… That’s how many fights I’ve won in my life.
-Lets do a XXX super slow motion from 15 different angles of someone doing a
forward roll, and it can be a completely different person in some of the angles
-You have an introduction about making another movie but you need to get rid of
so you do the thing were you give pat the vampire a ring and a mission to go
on, and then he leaves and the movie takes place, and at the end he comes back
saying he destroyed the ring and no one knows what he is talking about
-For the (1) fight, the person should remember back and some horrible fight
between a 8 year old and a 20 year old should ensue.
-I want to parody the old horror movies like The Pit and Jack Frost.
-Hmm, maybe we send him on a quest and then have to go find him because we
forgot why he's gone.
-Pit/Silence of the Lambs, where the tralalogs are in the pit and Chris makes
them put lotion on.
-Whiney Cannibal tribe leader.
-Something about Russian Hats, not sure why
-Extended pole dancing scene that we keep in, with zombies.
-Racing scene, to get into the forest
-Simon "there are worse things in this forest then zombies..."
-Simon remembering the 1 fight he ever won
-Simon saying "1, that is how many fights I have won before I can consider
myself a legitimate hard knock gansta"
-Salvage scenes and bloopers from Zombie Slayer
-Gratuitous Oakley putting-on scene with posing.
Dann as Duct Dann, Jaime, Michael, Mutant Zombie
Chris as Yo Chris Zombie, and Soldier Chris
John as Simon, Monkey Zombie
Jon as Neddy Walker
Ben as Pat the Vampire
Others as Scarecrow Zombie, Pinky, Goblin Zombie, Decaying Zombie, Monkey
Movies to Parody:
Whiney cannibal leader
Fast & Furious
Lord of the Rings
Pat the Vampire has been given a pair of really cool sunglasses that he must
destroy. The glasses must be destroyed before any zombie can get them, or that
zombie will become the king of the zombies and have the power to leave the
cottontail forest… Pat is sent out but when he gets lost, he calls Soldier
Chris, Simon, and Duct Dann for directions. Soldier Chris not being able to
give good directions says that he with create the fellowship of the blood pack…
Sporting powerful sunglasses, the pack races for the forest as fast as they
can. Soldier Chris picks up a weird photographer by hitting him while racing to
the forest. Neddy Walker, a blind photographer, joins the pack. Pat is shown
facing the burden of the sunglasses, as he faces zombies dancing and slapping
like they never has before, in order to gain control over the glasses.
As the group enters the forest, they meet up with Yo Chris who is bent upon
becoming the tricked out version of the Zombie King. They must cross a “deep”
pit, suffer from the temptation of the lotion, meet a cannibal leader that
whines, are forced to wear Russian hats, a witness the most extended pole
dancing scene ever filmed…
With time running out and the sunglasses still intact, Pat must enter the Zombie
kingdom of “Neverland”, facing horrid creatures such as Michael, trolls, and
stuffed animals. Pat destroys “now crappy sunglasses” putting an end to the
reign of the Zombie king forever…
The pack must fight their way to find Pat, and lead him back out of the
cottontail forest, when they find Pat, they realize that he was only 50 feet
from the edge of the forest, and they all laugh and dance as they are being
killed by zombies and stuffed animals.
Scene 1: (Ben, anyone else, filmer)
*Footage of Pat the Vampire’s making of a Wedding is playing on a screen.*
Pat: Hahaha, this will be my greatest production yet!
*Man walks in*
Man: Impressive. *nods* I need your help.
Pat: How can I be of service?
Man: We have a grave emergency on our hands. We have heard that yet again, the
Cottontail forest has been overrun by the LEAGIONS OF THE UNDEAD!
Man: No, zombies.
Pat: I see.
Man: We have a special pair of glasses that must be destroyed.
*Man hands over fake Oakley glasses*
Pat: These are fake…
Man: Yes fake Oakley’s
Man: Yes, the zombie’s aren’t that clever, and believe that these Oakley’s will
give them infinite power, we must destroy them!
Pat: Wouldn’t real Oakley’s give them genuine power?
Man: Yes but we guard those with our lives.
*Man tries to touch the Oakley’s on Pat’s head. Pat growls*
Man: My point exactly. The fake ones are the only ones that need guarding since
we don’t care if they are stolen. If the Zombies get a hold of them, the
placebo effect would be disastrous. If one gets this pair, he will become the
king of the zombies and be able to leave the Cottontail forest.
Pat: I will accept this task
*fade to black*
Scene 2: (Ben, anyone)
*Zombies come out from the trees and wander around a bit*
*Pat is seen entering the forest*
Pat: Stupid glasses, you will be destroyed soon.
*Pat wanders around a bit. The camera swirls around and he ends up lost. *
Pat: *talking to wrist watch* Help, anyone, I am lost.*Pauses for a second* I
don’t have a radio watch!
*grabs a cell phone from one of the zombies*
Pat: Soldier Chris, I need help!
Scene 3: (Chris, Dann)
*scene picks up from last, and Soldier Chris is on the phone. Let’s try to find
the old Chevy one.*
Soldier Chris: You’re lost! Dear goodness! Hmm, I really don’t know where you
are. Hold on we’ll think of something. *hangs up phone and calls Duct Dann*
Duct Dann: Hello
Soldier Chris: It’s time for us to fight again.
Duct Dann: We’ve never fought together.
Soldier Chris: Pat is lost and we must rescue him.
Duct Dann: My cat!
Soldier Chris: Pat the Vampire
Duct Dann: Who’s he?
Soldier Chris: We must contact Simon and go forth on our quest.
Duct Dann: Not him!
Soldier Chris: Together we will become… THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE BLOOD PACK
Duct Dann: I’ll start making a logo.
Scene 4: (Dann, Chris, John, Jon)
*Simon arrives at the house*
Soldier Chris: *To Simon* You can have any glasses in the house, as long as
it’s an Oakley. These are Dann’s.
*Simon looks eerily at Dann, and rubs the glasses with a cloth. Dann’s gets up
half way and stops.*
*Gratuitous scene of putting on Oakley’s and posing*
*They run to the truck and jump in. Dann gets in the front, and Chris and Simon
in the back.*
Dann: Let’s go. *Revs engine and then stalls. Simon falls out the back.*
*They finally get going and run over a blind man. He tumbles over the hood and
ends up in the passenger seat, and then takes a picture. No one asks any
questions, and they continue to the forest. *
Scene 5: (Ben, anyone else)
*Pat is seen stumbling along in the forest. The glasses hang from the croakies
around his neck. Every once in a while he is tempted to put them on, but
horrific stock footage plays each time he tries. Zombies pop out of nowhere.
They all stare at the glasses in awe. Pat must fight off the slapping zombies.
Scene 6: (Dann, Chris, John, Jon)
*Everyone arrives at the fourest; Dann slams on the breaks and they all fly
forward and do flips and twists in the air and end up falling into the middle
of the fourest. *
Dann: We’ve arrived, now let’s go find Pat.
*Panning scene of the several travelers, with out of tune violin music playing”
*They approach a pit and see a boy guarding it. He stands only waist high and
the camera never shows his feet. His hair is blonde and shaggy, and his nose is
far too big. Neddy takes a picture of him.*
Simon: Who are you?
Jaime: I’m Jaime (Hee-may), come here to me. *Pit is obviously between them.*
*Simon walks blindly into the pit, and partially falls. Dann and Chris have to
pull him out. Disappointed growls are heard from below. *
Solider Chris: What are those down there?
Jaime: They are troglidowogs. I think one is sick, their skin is getting
Dann: Scaley! I thought it was hairy.
Jaime: They were hairy, that’s what I said. *Jaime lowers a bucket into the
pit* It puts the lotion on its fur. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS FUR!!!!!!
*Ape hand rubbing lotion on a patch of fur is seen. Random grunts are heard. *
Scene 7: (Ben, anyone else)
*Longest pole dancing scene you’ve ever witnessed*
Scene 8: (Dann, Chris, John, Jon)
*The pack moves onward through the fourest. They come upon scattered VHS
remains in the trees.*
*A whiney cannibal leader jumps out and starts crying and being annoying. *
Simon: I will take care of this.
*Simon walks into view*
Simon: 1… that is how many fights I have won before I can consider myself a
legitimate hard knock gansta.
Soldier Chris: Wait Simon, this is the worst thing we’ve encountered so far.
Simon: There are worse things in this forest than zombies…
Dann: But that isn’t a zombie, it’s a cannibal.
*Everyone screams and is chased away in Benny Hill style through the fourest. *
Scene 9: (Ben, Chris, Dann)
*Pat roams into an unknown portion of the fourest. *
Pat: Where am I?
*A familiar zombie shows up, Yo Chris*
Yo Chris: Yo, you are in Neverland.
Pat: Wait, didn’t you get killed by a zombie.
Yo Chris: Yes.
Pat: So aren’t you a zombie now?
Yo Chris: Yes.
Pat: So why don’t you look like one.
Yo Chris: Well four score and seven…
Pat: Never mind, I need to destroy these glasses.
Yo Chris: Yes, I know. This way, follow me.
*They start to hear noises in the bushes*
Pat: What was that?
*A creepy person pops his head out from the brush*
Michael: Hello my future girlfriend, this is what I sound like…
Michael: I am eleven years old in the sixth grade in New Mexico.
Scene 10: (Dann, Chris, John, Jon)
*The group is tired and sits down for a while. *
Soldier Chris: So Simon, what was your 1 fight that made you a hard knock
*Simon remembers back to beating up an old woman or a child (whatever we can
find for a costume)*
Simon: *Smiles* Ah yes.
Solider Chris: So…
Simon: Uh, nothing, it was cool though.
Scene 11: (Ben, Chris, Dann, John, Jon)
*Pat is almost to the area where he can destroy the glasses. *
Yo Chris: This way, not too much farther.
*Pat throws the glasses into wherever*
*The pack runs up and meets Ben*
Soldier Chris: Pat, We’ve come to rescue you.
Pat: Thank you, the glasses are now destroyed.
*Everyone looks back and sees that they are only a few feet from the edge of
the fourest. They all laugh and get attacked by zombies and stuffed animals to
the Zombie Jamboree Theme as the credits play. *
*After that’s done, a zombie fins the glasses that Pat threw and put them on.
He looks around for a few seconds and then tosses them off disgustedly. *